Category: Joke Board
During a Wales v England match at the Millennium Stadium a lightening storm hit Cardiff and a bolt was conducted through the towers to the touch line. In
a tragic accident both coaches - Graham Henry and Clive Woodward - were killed.
They were taken straight to heaven where they were warmly greeted by the Almighty. After a while Clive was taken to his new accommodation. He was pleased
to find a lovely English country-style cottage with statues outside in the form of English rugby greats. As a constant background he could hear the sweet
voices of angels singing Jerusalem and Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.
Clive was delighted until he suddenly heard some even more beautiful singing coming from the top of the hill. He listened closer and could hear Bread of
Heaven followed by Land of My Fathers. Clive looked up the hill to see a great palace with statues outside of Barry John, Gareth Edwards and JPR Williams.
A party was taking place in the garden with Brains SA flowing freely as the crowd watched Scott Gibbs scoring his try at Wembley against England in 1999.
Clive went to the Lord and said: "Look, I don't want to appear ungrateful - my cottage is great, but why does Graham get the huge mansion?"
God broke into a laugh as he replied: "Clive, you've got it all wrong! That's not Graham's place - it's mine!"
A drunken Irish rugby fan was shown around town by his equally drunken Welsh mate after a hard-fought match at the Arms Park when they came upon a bar that
had a ventriloquist as the evening's entertainment. The ventriloquist started his act and was in full flow when our two heroes staggered to their stools
at the bar and ordered a pint. Suddenly the ventriloquist started slating the Irish: "What about the Irish then, eh,are they stupid or what?" To the sound
of laughter the Irish rugby fan turned round and shouted: "Oi, now that wud be the end of that sir," and started to take his coat off, "oim sick and tired
of hearin' us Irish bein taken da mick out of by youse English" (yep the ventriloquist was English). OUTSHOIDE said the irishman... But it's only a joke,
said the ventriloquist. "You shut your mouth," said our hero "OIM NOT TALKIN TO YOU, OIM TALKIN TO DAT LITTLE MAN ON YOU'R KNEE"
It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living. The first
little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman." The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic." Then one little boy says:
"My name is Jimmy and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret. The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject. She approaches Jimmy privately
and asks if it was really true that his dad dances nude in a gay bar. He blushed and said, "I'm sorry but my dad plays rugby for the Hurricanes, and I
was just too embarrassed to say so."
Two guys from Wellington die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in swannies, mittens and balaclavas
warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're
from Wellington, the land of wind and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance towarm up a little bit, eh." The devil decides that these two aren't
miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in swannies, mittens and balaclavas. The devil
asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?" Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we're from Wellington,
the land of wind and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh." This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to
fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys
from Wellington and finds them in t-shirts, footie shorts and sandals drinking a Lion Brown and cooking a "barbie". The devil is astonished: "Everyone
down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves." The two Wellingtonians reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather
down there in Wellington so we've just got to have a cook-up when the weather's THIS nice." The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight.
Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off
in hell. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything
but wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Wellingtonians. He gets there and finds them back in their swannies,
mittens and balaclavas. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!! The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand,
when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two???" The Wellingtonians look at the devil
in surprise, "Well, don't you know? If hell freezes over, it must mean that Wellington has won the NPC
In the beginning, the lord God almighty turned to his best mate, the archangel Gabriel, and said: "Gabby, today I am going to create a beautiful part of
the earth and I will call it Wales. I will make a country of breathtaking blue lakes, rich green forests and dark beautiful mountains. Which from time
to time will be snow covered. I will give it clear, swift rivers, which will overflow with salmon and trout. The land shall be lush and fertile on which
the people can raise cattle and grow their food, as well as being rich with precious metals and stones that will be sought after the world over.
Underneath the land I shall lay rich seams of coal for the inhabitants to mine. Around the coast, I will make some of the most beautiful areas in the world.
Golden sandy beaches and cliffs that will attract all manner of wildlife. With lots of islands that will be like a paradise to all who visit them. In the
deep blue waters around the shores, there will be an abundance of sea life. The people who live there will be called the Welsh and will be the friendliest
people on earth."
"Excuse me sir," interrupted the archangel Gabriel, "dont you think your being a bit too generous to these Welsh?"
"Don't talk rubbish," replied the lord. "Wait till you see the neighbours I'm giving them"!
Dai was boarding the plane at Cardiff airport, heading to the international in Rome, when he saw the stewardess had a dog on her lap. That's unusual, said
Dai, how come you let a dog on the flight?
It's a sniffer dog, replied the stewardess, He's brilliant - watch this. The dog went to the back of the plane where he looked over a dodgy looking geezer
before running back to the stewardess and tapping her twice with his paw. That man's carrying cannabis she said, before having him ejected from the plane.
The dog was sent off again where he checked out another guy before running back and tapping the stewardess three times. Heroin, she whispered to Dai, before
having the man arrested. Dai was amazed, and a third time the dog was sent off. He sniffed around a suitcase in the aisle before running back to the stewardess,
jumping on her lap and promptly doing its business all over her. Why did he do that? asked Dai. My God! said the horrified stewardess, We've got a bomb on board!